


101 Ways To Say "I Love You"

by Delirious_And_Misanthrophic_2309



Category: House M.D.
Genre: Angst, Descent into Madness, Fluff, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi Chapter, Probable angst, Sorry Not Sorry, because I'm angsty, but sometimes just hurt, eventually, hilson, last chapters gonna hurt everybody, probably, what even are tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-22
Updated: 2014-08-22
Packaged: 2018-02-14 05:31:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2179764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Delirious_And_Misanthrophic_2309/pseuds/Delirious_And_Misanthrophic_2309
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>House figures the only way to keep Wilson alive is to never say he loves him. So he finds other ways to do it.</p><p>[Contains classic House selfishness, an implied decent into madness, and a bittersweet ending.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue : The Paradox

**Author's Note:**

> Treat this chapter as a prologue. So there should be 102 chapters by the end of this thing. Each one will probably be less than 2k.
> 
> I've been writing poetry lately, so alliteration, parallelism, etc. might pop up, or the chapters could shift entirely from prose to poem, I don't really know right now.
> 
> Expect uneven updates, perhaps several chapters on a few nights, then nothing for a week. Lots of things I'm dealing with right now >.

House's convictions were always based on reasonable evidence. They may not go as far to run ridiculous tests that waste time--Why would he need to? His reasoning was always sound, and taking the time to do things right would've killed half his patients. 

It's been said that people will sometimes overcome certain death if they've got a great enough reason to keep on living. Mothers will bounce back after flat-lining because they need to be there for their children. The elderly can stubbornly hang on to life until their estranged son visits them. But once they get what they want, they die. They're satisfied with their life, and have gotten the last thing they wanted. 

That's why House couldn't tell Wilson he loves him. It was reasonable enough. If House never said he loved Wilson, he'd just have to stick around until admitted it. He'd be able to keep him around as long as he wanted, then. All he'd ever have to do is not say those three word. Eight letters that he would never utter together for the rest of his life, because Wilson wanted to die at peace, knowing that House loved him.

He'd see to it that Wilson lived.

But Wilson needed more. He needed to hear it to live. But if he heard it, he'd be satisfied, and die.

But House was more clever than paradoxes.


	2. Sacrifice #1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> House shows Wilson he loves him by sacrificing what he needs.

When House was in prison, his life was threatened to get extra Vicodin. He was in pain--he's always in pain. But he couldn't resist taking from the stash he'd accumulated as payment. His own life on the line, and he couldn't go long enough without Vicodin to get out safely. 

But when they ran out of morphine it wasn't House's well-being that was threatened. It was Wilson's. 

House couldn't resist for himself in prison. He couldn't resist for Cuddy when they dated. But he could resist for Wilson when he was the one in pain. 

Not even one. He couldn't even logic taking just one, because every pill was necessary for Wilson. He'd given them all to him. 

He didn't drink to ease his leg--alcohol wouldn't help his leg; no, he drank to smother the realization that he'd given Wilson all his Vicodin, and the realization that he'd give him even more than that.


	3. Sacrifice #2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> House shows Wilson he loves him by giving him something else he needs.

There are moments in a person's life when they unwittingly make a grave mistake. This single mistake becomes the thread that unravels everything they've worked for. This mistake can be intentional, unintentional, completely by chance, the universe's karma, or by a malicious third-party. 

House's mistake falls somewhere between 'unintentional', 'completely by chance', and possibly the universe's karma, depending on how you perceive House's accomplishments as benevolent or malevolent. In the end, the only thing that matters are facts and results. The facts are House broke many ethics and laws, but the results were the lives saved. Since the ends do indeed justify the means to Gregory House, this mistake will be filed as 'an unforeseen complication'.

This unforeseen complication is the incident of the ruined MRI machine, a couple underlings and a patient soaked and apparently dinged up a bit.

Normally House wouldn't bother to concern himself with the police. But these circumstances weren't normal.

The fire department came and contacted the police, who then contacted House's parole officer. How this was done so quickly was strikingly odd. As such, this incident is renamed "an unforeseen complication to assholes being assholes".

Because karma didn't exist, according to House. And the universe doesn't align for anyone. It's just random events, random people completely at the will and mercy of whatever other people do. No one has a greater hand because of creed. Everyone is blind in this poker game. No one can read the cards, and no one can tell how much their gambling for. 

This was the world that decided it would take House back to prison just long enough so his only friend could die without him. This wasn't the world of any loving god. This was the world that would give and take, promise and tease, build and break you. 

This was the completely random world that House knew how to cheat.

It was a short-term, impulsive, irrational, emotional decision made hidden behind House's dramaticism. 

He'd gone through the elaborate rouse of faking his death--which in and out itself wasn't so difficult. Paying off a guy to fake his dental records was far harder than convincing Wilson and Foreman he had died in a burning building collapse. 

But with faking his death came other sacrifices. 

What House considered to be one of his last rational thoughts was the idea that Wilson would die in five months. Perhaps if he were thinking further into the future then he would have realized that faking his death, making it impossible for his name, face, social security numbers, cards, everything, to be accessed. After Wilson died he'd have nothing he could return to.

This wasn't a selfish thing he'd done. He'd sacrificed his career to stay at Wilson's side. And with his 'death', he'd sacrificed the two things that eased his pain. Now that officially the great diagnostician Doctor Gregory House was dead, Wilson could no longer fill out Vicodin prescriptions for him. Dead men don't need pain killers. The medical puzzles would be gone as well. Any chance of coming back as a doctor are impossible. His face is to well-known, he'd never be able to slink around.

House had no way of helping his leg, now. And if at anytime he was to be pulled over by the police, he'd face a multitude of chargers once they realized who he was. Violating parole, falsifying death records, bribery of a government employee, further violating his parole by leaving the state when he's facing criminal charges, eventual failure to appear in court, as well as any further crimes he might commit. 

His long-term outlook was not good. If he fell ill he couldn't receive medical attention. If the police systems readily updated they would mention dead men can't drive. They'd probably add a technical driving without a license violation, since upon his death his license would be cancelled. Not to mention House would need some sort of strong painkiller. So possession and consumption of a prescription without a prescription or even an illegal drug. He'd also be charged for driving under the influence.

House committed one crime, fixed that by committing another crime, committed another crime to get himself out of that one, et cetera. The cycle was endless. Lie to get yourself out of a lie. Steal to get yourself out of money you owe. Fake your death to get out of going to jail so you can spend the last five months of your friend's life with him.

House did give Wilson more than just the Vicodin from that night, now. He'd given him his two painkillers forever, and his chances for a future after.

He'd given Wilson five months of happiness in exchange for the rest of his own life.


End file.
